What happens when you trim the bushes? Yard looks bigger, bro.Do yourself (and possibly someone else) a favor. "Your Balls Will Thank You." Listen, boys. It’s 2020. Absolute shitshow wrapped trainwreck somehow contained in a dumpsterfire it may be, there’s no reason to be walking around with Chewbacca’s less testosterone-laden cousin in your pants. Cultivate better hygiene and know the freeing sense of windswept plums with the Manscaped Perfect Package 3.0. This mofo is going to come with the Lawn Mower 3.0 trimmer, a waterproof trimmer featuring their trademarked SkinSafe technology, which incorporates ceramic blades able to cut coarse hairs at 7k RPM. It's got 90 minutes on full charge. Hope you don't need that much time to trim up, that'd be a damn emergency or circus-ready situation, but ya got it if ya need it. Comes with a guard if you're more of a one-two fade kinda guy than a Mr. Clean, along with a brush to keep hairs out of the ceramic replaceable blades. It's gonna come with a bottle of Crop Preserver, their luxurious anti-chafe, aloe-infused ball deodorant. The family jewels occasionally get to carny levels of funk, why on earth wouldn't you want to keep that shit in check? It's soothing, refreshing, aloe feels great, and your confidence soars when you know you can run hot and clean simultaneously. It's gonna come with a bottle of Crop Reviver, a ball toner and refresher. Get the boys in gear and ready for a day/night out with one or two zests and a 40 second air dry post-shower. If you get The Performance Package, it’s gonna come with The Weed Whacker Nose and Ear Hair Trimmer, which is absolutely excellent, also SkinSafe, and through even VIGOROUS nose hair removal, I’ve yet to cut myself even once. The thing doesn’t even yank at the hairs, trims em back to the skin and keeps boogies outta there. But where on earth will you keep all this shit? Covered. The Perfect Package and the Performance Package both come with The Shed, an extremely good quality travel and storage bag for the Lawn Mower, Weed Whacker and all your other ball goodies. You can even enroll in the three month recurring blade change-out that sends you brand spankin’ new blades to keep you clean and from getting bacteria everywhere you really don’t want it. Do NOT use the same trimmer on your nuts that you use on your face. That's just nasty. Never cross the streams, that's rule one. You're not being efficient, you're being gross. Plus, buying these products helps support raised awareness for the fight against Testicular Cancer. That's right. Manscaped has partnered with The Testicular Cancer Society to educate and entertain, through raising awareness across the world about the most common ball-busting disease for men between the ages of 15 and 35. One man every hour, every day is diagnosed with Testicular Cancer. On that note, go get yourself checked out, that's a lottery you don't wanna win, but definitely need to know about ASAFP. On top of all of this amazing shit, and literal clean livin', when you order The Perfect or Performance Package, you'll also receive a complimentary newspaper hair catching mat, and a free pair of Manscaped Boxers. And lemme tell you, these boxers are the softest and most comfortable place to keep your grapes. But wait! ChristmaHanuhKwanzika is here, as well as Festivus, and right now through December, apply code HOLIDAY off at checkout for 10% off and FREE SHIPPING. Give your balls some love, clean the damn things up, and cultivate a fresh and inviting feeling. Your confidence will rocket, you'll feel physically better, and help make swamp-ass a thing of the past. You heard me. Shave your ass too ya fuzzy mug, the hell you growing a beard there for? You poop with that thing and expect PAPER to clean it with all that hair there? Put peanut butter on your head, mash it around with your hand and then use paper towels to get it out. You happy with the result? Fugouttaheeya. Plus, boys. What happens when you trim the bushes? Yard looks bigger, bro. Do yourself (and possibly someone else) a favor. "Your Balls Will Thank You." Use code: HOLIDAY at checkout for 10% off and free shipping https://www.manscaped.com/
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